Lately I’ve been feeling out of touch with almost everyone. I don’t mean out of touch in the sense that I haven’t talked to anyone for a while, but more so that I feel completely alone. And to be honest, I don’t completely mind that I feel this way. In fact, I would almost think that I prefer to be alone. I’ve been on my own (emotionally) for most of my life now, and I feel like getting attached to people will only keep me from experiencing the things that I need to experience in order to find myself and find what true happiness is.
My entire life I thought I knew what true happiness was. I thought because growing up, I didn’t have a perfect (or functional) family, that I couldn’t achieve that. I truly believed if I were to ever have a functional and happy family myself, I would finally have true happiness. Now I know, I don’t want that life. I don’t want to have a perfect happy family, with a cute little house with a white picket fence.
Knowing this now, I feel so lost. I know many people feel this way, and can I just take a moment to say, that this is absolute torture.
I’m not quite sure where I’m going with this blog. All of my thoughts and emotions are so jumbled up. I know how I feel, but I don’t know what I’m feeling or what I’m even thinking. Everything is just a big mess inside my head. All I know is, the moment I can, I’m picking up all of my things and traveling everywhere. I’m determined to find myself in this never ending journey.