There have been several people around me that have been having issues in the finding a special someone department. Whether they have been single for an incredibly long time, or have simply just found one dud after another, they end up wanting to give up.
If you’re in a similar situation, please keep reading.
I know it can absolutely suck being surrounded by romance, and not having it yourself. It can be a lonely feeling. It’s nice to have someone there to share your feelings with and to embrace or even be embraced. You’re probably thinking, “What do you know? You’re in a relationship.” I understand because like many people, I’ve been there before.
I will admit, it has been some time since I’ve been single. But during the time I was single, I remember how depressed I was. I yearned to be loved. I thought the only thing that I was missing in my life was to be in love. That is where I was completely wrong.
I thought my source of happiness would be someone else. If I had a boyfriend, all of my depression and loneliness would go away. I was so wrong. I had just as many issues being in a relationship, if not more, than when I was single. I didn’t know how to be emotionally independent, therefore I only added a ton of baggage to the person I was in a relationship with at the time.
Not all of you may think like this, but I think it’s an important thing to take note of. If you’re relying on your happiness to come from another person, stop right there. You can’t expect someone else to be the source of your happiness. Not only is that a lot of stress for the other person, if you can’t figure out how to make yourself happy, then who can?
It’s important to be 100% emotionally independent. Take time to really know yourself. I’m 23 and I’m far from knowing who I really am. It can be difficult to deal with myself, nonetheless my boyfriend dealing with me. In order to be in a healthy relationship, I believe that one should be comfortable alone. An individual must be able to understand what goes on in their own mind. If you don’t know half the time, how will you be able to communicate with your future significant other? They certainly won’t be a mind reader, I can almost guarantee it.
I mentioned in the previous paragraph that it’s important to be comfortable alone. If you can’t deal with being alone, you will have serious issues in the future. Everyone needs personal space every once in a while. The mind can become overcrowded when you don’t allow it to breathe and depressurize. If you’re going to cling to someone all the time, the metaphorical sea your relationship is sailing on, will be a violent one. Things will eventually spiral out of control, and you won’t see it coming. That’s why before you get into a relationship, you need to be independent yourself. No one wants to be someone’s emotional babysitter.
Another important thing is to not search for love. You will forget life and appreciate your life that way. If all you’re thinking about is being in a relationship, you’re missing out on all of the good things in life that are already surrounding you. You’ll obsess and obsess, and only attract the wrong people. Now, I don’t mean not to put yourself out there every once in a while, but if all you think about is how you can find a significant other, just stop right there.
Maybe this is just me, but I think that finding love happens unexpectedly. Venture into the world more. If you’re doing the same routine all of the time, do something different. You can’t expect to gain different results if you don’t try anything new. Switch it up every now and then, and you might be surprised. Go to the park, go to a new coffee place in town, or whatever else you can think of. You’ll never know who you will bump into. Also, don’t be afraid to talk to people.
If you’re socially awkward like me and can suffer from social anxiety, this might seem impossible. It takes a lot of practice, but trust me, with each small effort, it will eventually turn into a bigger step. Even if it’s just a smile and a simple hello, that is more progress than not saying anything at all.
I guess the gist of this blog is to just be comfortable with just you, and step outside of your regular routine whether it’s in your comfort zone or not. Love might not be around every corner, so don’t expect it to be, just live your life and be surprised. It’s that simple, I promise. Love will come your way, just let it happen naturally.