I quit my job yesterday.
After a long and grueling job search I received a phone call from a company (that I won’t name). They were offering me a job, and when they told me the news, I instantly felt a wave of relief. Without any hesitation, I accepted the job especially since my funds were beginning to dwindle. The pressure of not being able to sustain myself lifted and I was finally stress free…or so I thought.
My first day of the job was a nightmare, and that’s when the realization set in. I had made a horrible decision.
Let me just preface that I have dealt with my fair share of difficult work experiences. Before any of you make harsh judgments about my decision, I just want to emphasize that I have worked at very stressful jobs before and I know what I can and can’t handle, especially since I struggle with horrendous anxiety on a daily basis.
Without really going into much detail about the job itself, I will say that the job immensely escalated my anxiety. What I will mention about the job is that I was in charge of thousands of dollars everyday (and no, I didn’t work for a bank). Keeping track of every single dime was important. There were piles of paperwork that needed to be done in a specific way, and there were a lot of other major responsibilities to be fulfilled. All of this would have been fine, if I were properly trained. Unfortunately, I wasn’t.
Everything was so hard to remember. Every single night I had nightmares about the job, and by the time I woke up I felt physically ill. This job made me feel so dead inside and while I was there, daydreamed that they would fire me. By the time my shift was over, I would sit in my car and sob because it made me more stressed than I ever cared to be.
I felt so ashamed to want to quit a job I haven’t even been working at for a full week. After talking to some very great friends and my parents, they all reassured me that no job is worth feeling like this. After realizing that I wouldn’t be at this job for as long as I was hoping to, I decided to at least try to endure it for as long as I could.
On my final day, I tried to power through it, but I couldn’t. I was miserable and in a daze. That’s when they hit me with the most stressful news ever. They wanted me to work alone that night, which meant handling the responsibilities I didn’t even fully comprehend yet. Any screw up I made that night could have led to even bigger problems, especially since no one would be there to help me. Not to mention, I was never taught solutions to any potential problem, or even what to do if I came across one that I couldn’t solve myself.
I was in shock, especially since I’ve had more training at jobs where I wasn’t in charge of such important responsibilities.
After hearing the news, my anxiety went into full blast. I started to feel dizzy, and felt like blacking out at any moment. Tears were building up in my eyes, and I had to sit down where I began to hyperventilate. It was at that moment, that I realized I couldn’t handle this job any second longer, and that it was okay. That was the moment I quit.
Quitting this job was the best decision I’ve ever made. After working there for only four days, I was already beginning to lose myself. So to those who want to quit your job because it makes you feel sick to your stomach and depressed, do it. I can’t speak for those who absolutely need the job to survive. From my own experiences this week, I would tell all of you out there in the same situation I was in, don’t feel like you have to stay.
A person’s happiness is the most important thing in life. If anyone or anything takes that away from you, cut it out of your life because it’s not worth being destroyed internally or even externally over. If I would have stayed due to the fear of being labeled a failure, I would have committed the biggest injustice to myself. Choosing money over happiness should never be the solution, and so I chose myself.
As of what I plan on doing now for money, I have no idea. All I know is my job search isn’t over, and I will continue to fight for what feels right instead of what I think I should do. In the meanwhile, I will use all of this spare time to blog and photograph to my heart’s desire.
Have any of you been in a similar situation as me?