Hello World

Her Flying Red Shoes (8012097866).jpg

Photo credit: Faisal Akfram from Dhaka, Bangladesh-Her Flying Red Shoes (Wikicommons)

I’m finally doing it.

Somewhere along this incredibly hazy path of mine, I have unearthed the strength within myself to push aside all of my self-doubt and to finally banish my anxiety.

***

For as long as I can remember, my mind was always a war zone, except the enemy I was fighting was me. I had so much self hatred towards myself. I never thought I was smart or good enough for anything beyond living a confined life. If you’ve read my past blogs you’ll know I’ve been actively trying to improve my happiness and my quality of life in general.

What has really kicked me into overdrive was the moment it really sunk in for me: I’m not getting any younger. In just a couple of months I will officially be in my mid-twenties. Sure, that’s not old in the least bit, but this milestone is terrifying. If I keep letting my fears get in my way, one day life will have passed me by and I don’t want to be in the same spot as now. I’ve spent almost 25 years of my life fawning over a life I’ve been too scared to pursue. I guess after an entire lifetime of belittling one’s self and spending every waking moment being anxious you will either A) give up or B) just get so tired of  living in hell that trying doesn’t seem so horrific anymore.

***

All rambling aside, I’ve decided that 25 will be the year I make a major lifestyle change. Whether I’m riddled with anxiety to the point I want to vomit, I’m going to push past that. I’ve always been too timid of a person to do anything too crazy. The plan I have for myself is to apply for teaching jobs overseas so I can meet many amazing people and see the world for all that it is.

I’ve already sold my PS4, record player, crazy expensive headphones, and some old camera equipment. It’s stuff that I don’t want to sell and pains me to part with, but a girl’s gotta do what a girl’s gotta do. In order to keep myself motivated, here’s my progress thus far. I know it doesn’t seem like major steps to most people, but these are some huge steps for me. I’ll keep you posted on my progress whether it be on here or on my YouTube channel.

☑ Get letters of recommendation (2/4 completed, waiting on 2!)
☑ Sell things
☑ Schedule appointment for passport
☑ Officially apply for jobs (applied for A job thus far)
☑ Apply for passport
☑ Get passport photos
☑ Receive said passport
☐ Nab an awesome job overseas

I could use all of the prayers and positive thoughts sent my way!! It’s going to be a long ride that’s for sure.

Xoxo,

Kiki ❤

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