I’m in a constant state of mourning, and I’m not sure how to feel about it. I’m not mourning over the loss of a person. I’m mourning the loss of time, mourning for the past. There are so many things that I miss…people, experiences, the way people lived in certain periods of my life (the 90s). It might sound like I’m afraid of change, but I can guarantee you that I’m not. I just miss those blissful nostalgic feelings that I can’t relive.
I have my photos and my home videos that I can look back on. I just wish I could physically…or completely mentally live it all again. As if I’m an outsider looking in, watching my memories as if I were in some kind of virtual reality world.
You know how sometimes you have the best sleep of your life, and in those moments you have some of the greatest dreams? Sometimes I wish I could re-visit these moments in my dreams…have my own version of San Junipero. There are so many things I remember and my friends and family don’t, and vice versa. I wish I could remember it all. The good and the bad.
I think that’s why I’m so passionate about photography and filmography. I want to document my life so I can remember things in the future. I love journaling my memories as they happen too. It’s always nice to read back on them. Even long after I die, my memories will in a way live on. Maybe be passed on from generations to generations. That’s something I’m very grateful for the technology we have no. It’s easier to preserve memories for other people. We have more than just stories now. I’ll get more into how times have changed in another post.
Before any of you worry, I’m here to assure you that I’m okay. I just think too much.