Again? Really? For Christ’s sake.

I don’t know if any of you read my blog regularly enough to remember a post I made regarding this guy. Well, he’s back and crazier than ever.

***

But before I get into that, I’ll talk about the weird guy that came in prior since it all happened in the same day. As you guys may know, I work in a public building, therefore we get a lot of strange people that wander about. For the most part, they keep to themselves and that is perfectly okay with me. What does bother me is when I am alone and these questionable people talk to me.

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Around an hour ago a guy came in and decided to tell me his ENTIRE life story. He was essentially bragging about how he has his own business in a different state and has his own home worth $250,000. Which, if you’re not familiar with real estate in this part of the country, that will buy you a pretty nice house.

-Continuing on-

He then showed me the bracelet his ex wife gave him that was allegedly worth $80, and then said he has his own apartment here. The kicker is, the only reason why he’s here is because his mother died and he’s here to get all of the stuff she gave him in her will. Then he went on a tangent about how his child is smoking weed and hopes his kid isn’t gay. Wut. It was all so bizarre. Of course I’m taking all of this lightly because the dude is weird.

Then he started asking me if there were any soup kitchens nearby that were open because he wanted to get some food. I know some people do this to interact with those in need and want to get to know them…BUT for someone to stand in front of me and brag about how much they make is BS. What business do they have trying to get free food from someone else that needs it?

But realistically, he probably is a person in need and isn’t as well off as he says he is. BUT IF YOU’RE GOING TO LIE, DO IT PROPERLY. The discrepancies were annoying me the most. You have no idea how badly I wanted to question the hell out of him. I guess that is just my journalistic nature.

***

When I thought things couldn’t get any more uncomfortable( because Mr. Businessman would not stop talking for the life of me) they did. Out of all the people that entered, it had to be Face Tattoo. When he saw me, his face lit up. When I saw him on the other hand, I died a little on the inside…and when I mean a little, I mean a lot.

He overheard Mr. Businessman complain about how the soup kitchens weren’t open, so face tattoo offered to buy him some Taco Bell. Face Tattoo then told Mr. Businessman to wait for him outside for a second. That’s when he started talking to me.

FT: Hey, are you married yet?
Me: Uh yeah, I just don’t have my ring on.
FT: Did you know that I am God’s son? He sent me here so I could tell you that he loves you. I love you.
Me: That’s nice, thanks.
FT: It’s true. God turned wine into water you know.
Me: *crickets*
FT: It’s 2017, Hilary and Bill Clinton. I mean uh, Donald Trump, they’re going to fuc* up the country. That’s why God is going to take you to heaven. That’s why he’s going to take me to heaven.
Me: *crickets*
FT: I gotta go. I’ll see you in heaven.

The past few days I have interacted with so many creepy people that I feel as if my brain is slowly turning into mush.

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The End    

Well, that’s my story of today. I hope someone could get a laugh out of my discomfort.

XOXO,

Kiki ❤

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Let’s water vac my basement in lingerie!

daria choices angel devil decisions

Gif credit: violetdiamondinthesky.tumblr.com

When I was in grade school I was the definition of a pushover. Whatever my friends wanted to do, I followed along (of course with some convictions). Because I was such a yes man, I found myself in many situations that are super cringey to look back on now.

 

I had a friend named Melissa who wanted to be the center of attention all of the time. She never really cared who she inconvenienced or who she hurt in the process of getting what she wanted. She perceived herself as an a-list celebrity and all of her friends were part of her entourage. Why I was friends with her for so long, I will never understand.

***

I had known Melissa since 4th grade. If my memory serves me correctly, she used to be pretty fun to hang out with. Then the summer of 6th grade she moved away and we lost contact until our junior or senior year of high school. During this point of my life, I was a loner and wanted more friends, but simply didn’t have the social skills to do so. This was when Melissa and I became friends again. I was overjoyed with the fact that I had someone “new” to hang out with.

I could go through the history of what our friendship was like, but that is a post for another day. Instead, I will reflect on the week of spring break, which was also her 17th or 18th birthday.

***

Her mother and step-dad wanted to take her to Florida to celebrate her birthday, but she absolutely refused. Florida was too popular for her taste and she would rather stay in the confines of her own home and have a sleepover with me. I of course went over to her house. Being an angsty teenager myself, I was actually looking forward to getting away from my house for the weekend.

When I arrived, we went down to her basement to hangout. That’s when we found out that due to the amount of rain we received that week (and that day) the basement had flooded and the water reached up to our knees. She wanted to try to clean things up before her rents got home, and asked me if I wanted to help water vac her basement. I wasn’t really wanting to, but I obliged. I thought it would be as simple as that, but knowing Melissa, it is never that simple.

She instead, wanted to invite these totes super cool college guys over (they were literally only a year older than us) to help. The kicker was, she wanted us to wear lingerie while they came over. I should add, she had a boyfriend at the time and I was talking to someone.

***

As I said before, I have/had my convictions, so I definitely didn’t want to wear lingerie to clean a basement OR wear it for strangers I’ve never met in my life. That didn’t stop her from wearing it though. She got all dolled up, while I wore a baggy t-shirt and some shorts. That’s when we heard her two dogs bark and a knock at the door. It was the college guys in shining armor. They all seemed friendly enough.

They were actually a big help in regards to the basement. With the effort all of us put in, we finished the entire basement within 1.5 hours. Afterwards, Melissa suggested we go upstairs to play truth or dare. I never was an exciting truth or dare player, so naturally I always picked truth. That’s when one of the guys (of the creepster variety) demanded I pick dare. I laughed it off and said “yeah, sure okay”. That’s when he told me to take off my bra. Because most girls have super powers, I took my bra off without having to remove other articles of my clothing. And for extra measure, I went inside the bathroom and locked the door behind me. As I left, I showed off my bra. That’s when he snatched it and deeply inhaled and said “this is exactly what I imagined an Asian girl to smell like”.

Thoroughly creeped out, I went back and sat on the other side of the room. To the other guys’ benefit, they weren’t as creepy as the one just mentioned. The rest of truth or dare was pretty uneventful until Melissa dared bra sniffer to give me a lap dance. Without hesitation, he gave me one. As you can imagine, it was a really uncomfortable situation for me.

***

The “party” was starting to die down, but one of the other guys jokingly commented on how short I was (he was incredibly tall) and lifted me up over his shoulder like it was nothing. It was in a playful manner so there were no malicious intentions. I remember he was so tall he almost (accidentally) slammed my head into the doorway. After that we were laughing and he put me down.

There was a third guy that was the “cutest” out of all of the guys. That’s who Melissa was paying most of her attention to, but once she saw me and tall guy laughing, she glared at me. I payed no attention to her and continued talking to the tall guy when out of the blue she pulled me aside and said, “I don’t appreciate you getting all of the attention. I’m not getting any and it’s making me jealous. It’s not fair at all”.

This was the first of many moments I would realize that she would never really appreciate or care about me as a friend. Although I can’t say I didn’t appreciate her honesty!

***

I decided to write about this incident today because I spent some time with my cousins over the weekend. They’re almost the age I was when this happened and they already seem to be much stronger mentally than I ever was. It’s really nice to see that not all youths have to be complete idiots like I was. Teenagers might not be so bad after all!

Xoxo,

Kiki ❤

 

 

Hey baby, can you call my dad?


I may have mentioned in a prior blog (or maybe that’s just my imagination), where I work. In case I haven’t, I work in a public space downtown. I don’t want to give too many details since I still work here. I will say that there is a lot of down time to this job, which leaves a lot of time for people watching.

Since we are open to the public, we get a lot of different people that come in. Some are just your average Joes, and then we get some…colorful people.

During the winter months, we don’t have too many visitor’s. We also typically work by ourselves during these times because it’s super slow, which can be super creepy.

***

Just yesterday the building was empty and the sun was setting. I was getting some closing duties done early since there was really nothing else to do. This man in his mid 30s came in. He walked straight past me to the restrooms and I thought nothing of it. A few minutes later he comes out of the bathroom and walks directly towards me.

This is when I get a good glimpse of his appearance. He’s covered in neck and face tattoos. Half of which look like he did at home (or prison). He has a black eye, and just has a super rough appearance in general. I try not to stare too long because A) I don’t want to be a creeper and B) He is kind of intimidating looking and I’m instantly creeped out. I should mention, I’m also super paranoid most of the time (thanks horror movies and crime shows!)…and 9 times out of 10, if someone has sh*tty face tattoos, they probably don’t make smart decisions on the regular.

***

He begins to talking to me, and the following happens:

Him: Hey, yo baby. Can you call my dad for me? I’ve only been in town for three days, I just came back from Nashville?

Me: Really? That’s cool. I’ve only been to Nashville once.

Him: Yeah, it’s nice there. You’d like it.

Me: *thinking to self* I know I’d like it because I clearly said that I’ve been there before…

Him: It would’ve been better if you were there. *winks*

Me: *Mentally throws up uncontrollably*

Me: So what’s the number?

He then tells me the number and I dial it on my cell. My co-workers and I do this for people sometimes because we’re all way too nice. I should also mention, this was probably a bad idea to use my phone. I wasn’t comfortable using my work’s phone because vibes…and I was too nervous to say no. Besides, if anything, I could always get a new number..right?

Also, at this point I plugged my phone in so it would maybe dissuade him from trying to steal my phone because he was super sketchy. Not like it would have worked, but maybe it did some kind of reverse psychology on him?

Continuing on…        

Him: HEY DAD, YOU BETTER MEET ME AT MCDONALDS AT EXACTLY 5:00. I’M GONNA BE WAITING. YOU BETTER BE THERE!

Me: *thinking to self* Is this really his dad? Is he going to murder someone? WHAT IF MY PHONE IS TRACED BACK TO ME AND I AM AN ACCOMPLICE! (Because paranoia and anxiety don’t mix)

Him: *smiles at me* here you go babe. Thanks.

Me: …err you’re welcome.

Him: So uh…*smirks* do you got a pen?

Me: *thinking to self* I KNOW WHERE THIS IS GOING AND I DON’T WANT YOUR NUMBER. LORD HELP ME.

Me: Um yeah, here you go.

Him: *Leans towards me* What about some paper?

Me: Yep. *hands over paper*

At this point he’s scribbling down his name and number and I’m just trying to think of things to say. I should’ve gone with the old standby “IHAVEABOYFRIENDKBAI” (because I do). But…I’m sh*t under pressure.

He then begins to scribble his name and number all over the post-it note I gave him.

Him: *hands paper to me* So if you uh, ever want somebody to talk to, you can call this number and you can talk to me.

Me: Okie dokie.

Him: You probably won’t call it though.

And he was correct because I will never ever ever ever call him. I’m pretty sure the phone wasn’t his because why else would he need someone else to call his “dad”. I watch a lot of Criminal Minds and Law and Order: SVU so the first thing that popped into my mind was that if I was stupid enough to call that phone number, I could have become a victim of human trafficking. Super dramatic thoughts, but you never know.

On a side note, I did Google his name into various databases and he has a long criminal record in not one, but two states. SO I WAS RIGHT ABOUT STUPID FACE TATTOOS.

-Fin-

Have you ever had creepy encounters? If so, tell me about them!

Xoxo ❤

Kiki