Hello World

Her Flying Red Shoes (8012097866).jpg

Photo credit: Faisal Akfram from Dhaka, Bangladesh-Her Flying Red Shoes (Wikicommons)

I’m finally doing it.

Somewhere along this incredibly hazy path of mine, I have unearthed the strength within myself to push aside all of my self-doubt and to finally banish my anxiety.

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For as long as I can remember, my mind was always a war zone, except the enemy I was fighting was me. I had so much self hatred towards myself. I never thought I was smart or good enough for anything beyond living a confined life. If you’ve read my past blogs you’ll know I’ve been actively trying to improve my happiness and my quality of life in general.

What has really kicked me into overdrive was the moment it really sunk in for me: I’m not getting any younger. In just a couple of months I will officially be in my mid-twenties. Sure, that’s not old in the least bit, but this milestone is terrifying. If I keep letting my fears get in my way, one day life will have passed me by and I don’t want to be in the same spot as now. I’ve spent almost 25 years of my life fawning over a life I’ve been too scared to pursue. I guess after an entire lifetime of belittling one’s self and spending every waking moment being anxious you will either A) give up or B) just get so tired of  living in hell that trying doesn’t seem so horrific anymore.

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All rambling aside, I’ve decided that 25 will be the year I make a major lifestyle change. Whether I’m riddled with anxiety to the point I want to vomit, I’m going to push past that. I’ve always been too timid of a person to do anything too crazy. The plan I have for myself is to apply for teaching jobs overseas so I can meet many amazing people and see the world for all that it is.

I’ve already sold my PS4, record player, crazy expensive headphones, and some old camera equipment. It’s stuff that I don’t want to sell and pains me to part with, but a girl’s gotta do what a girl’s gotta do. In order to keep myself motivated, here’s my progress thus far. I know it doesn’t seem like major steps to most people, but these are some huge steps for me. I’ll keep you posted on my progress whether it be on here or on my YouTube channel.

☑ Get letters of recommendation (2/4 completed, waiting on 2!)
☑ Sell things
☑ Schedule appointment for passport
☑ Officially apply for jobs (applied for A job thus far)
☑ Apply for passport
☑ Get passport photos
☑ Receive said passport
☐ Nab an awesome job overseas

I could use all of the prayers and positive thoughts sent my way!! It’s going to be a long ride that’s for sure.

Xoxo,

Kiki ❤

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I want to change my life

Photo credit: Wikicommons, submitted by: Faisal Akram

Photo credit: Wikicommons, submitted by: Faisal Akram

It’s hard to show people who I really am and often times I don’t know who that is either. My entire life has been spent sheltered from the real world, while suffering from crippling anxiety. Until recently, I have spent my life in a safety bubble that I was too terrified to leave. I have always had a huge curiosity of the world, but until recently, never wanted to make that leap to discover it.

As the years pass on by, I realize that I won’t be young forever. I’m going to turn 24 this year, and my life isn’t much different than when I was in high school. I don’t want my life to stay ordinary forever, and I don’t want my anxiety to control my life any longer.

I love knowing about the world, and I want to do more than just have knowledge of it. I want to live and experience every aspect of it that is humanly possible. I want to grow with each adventure I have, and be comfortable with who I grow in to.  I don’t want to spend my entire life questioning who I am and what I could become. I don’t want to give into my fears any longer. I’m going to stop robbing myself of the person I could become and actually be that person.

It’s so close to happening, I can already feel it. In the past few months I’ve taken small steps to better my life, and some pretty great changes have already emerged from them. I’m not really sure where I was going with this blog, but I just felt the need to say all of this.

Xoxo,

Kiki ❤

Help me decide where to travel!

Photo credit: Wikicommons, submitted by: Kyle Taylor

Photo credit: Wikicommons, submitted by: Kyle Taylor

The semester is coming to an end and things are becoming more real. After I finish my summer classes in June, I will be officially graduated from university. I never thought I would survive, but here I stand. I’m about to end one chapter of my life, to start a whole new book.

Currently, I’m interning for a travel agency. When I complete my time here, I will be given a plane ticket. If I travel within the U.S. it will be free, but if I decide to go international I will only have to pay the difference. Of course this is a no brainer, I’m going international!

I haven’t been outside of the country for years,.  I’m pretty sure it’s been over a decade. This is why I need all of you well traveled individuals to help me! I’m going to be budget traveling, so I’m pretty sure I’ll be WWOOFing. My mind is open to anywhere, so please share your suggestions, and I would love to hear your amazing travel stories!

My 2015 Soundtrack

My friend told me that every year when the new year rolls around, she puts together a playlist that will illustrate how her year will go. She puts together 13 tracks, one track to sum up the entire year, and 1 for each month out of the year. I thought it was a really good idea, so here is my first of many playlists 🙂

Overall: Breathe In by Amarante
January: Dreams by Stevie Nicks
February: I Can’t Pretend by The Drums
March: Sometimes by Miami Horror
April: Hideaway by Kiesza
May: Hex Girlfriend by Neon Indian
June: New Theory by Washed Out
July: Tomorrow Comes Today by Gorillaz
August: 500 Miles by The Proclaimers
September: Living Funeral by Dance Yourself to Death
October: Head Rush by Ollie Wride
November: You Know What by N.E.R.D
December: If I Ever Feel Better by Phoenix

**Bonus Song**
Something Good Can Work by Two Door Cinema Club

What is your 2015 playlist?

I want to understand the world.

I want to understand the world and grow with it. I may live on this Earth, but I don’t feel like I am truly a part of it.  I want to live, breathe, and ultimately experience everything about the world. I don’t want to waste my life dreaming about it through the world wide web, I don’t want to only trust what I see on television. I want to see every corner of the world, and everywhere in between.

I will never understand those that are content with only knowing what they see on television. How could you not want to see the wonders of the world? How could anyone not want to taste a true French macaron, or see the beautiful purity of Santorini? Not being able to do that my entire life, would be an unfulfilled life, one that I hope to never live.

There are three people I aspire to be like. Anthony Bourdain, Samantha Brown, and Lisa Ling. Traveling the world, tasting the delicious food, experiencing the world, and getting the stories and understanding the lives of those living in the world. Their lives have such depth, and they have a knowledge that only a small percentage of those living in the world will have.

“Travel changes you. As you move through this life and this world you change things slightly, you leave marks behind, however small. And in return, life – and travel – leaves marks on you. Most of the time, those marks – on your body or on your heart – are beautiful. Often, though, they hurt.
-Anthony Bourdain