6 tips for a SUCCESSFUL life.

Colours of Happiness 3.jpg

Wiki commons: Camdiluv ❤ from Concepion, CHILE- Colours

To many people, living a successful life would equal having an incredible job, making ____ figures per year, and living a life full of luxury. That mindset used to be mine, but not anymore. I’ve learned that the more a person yearns for money and things, the more empty life becomes…because at the end of the day you’ll never have enough.

I’m only 25 and I still don’t know what I’m doing with my life. I would say the majority of my day is spent self-loathing and comparing myself to people that seem to have their life put together. I’m finally learning to get over myself and accept life for what it is: a mystery. If it’s not going the way I want, I realize I need to do something about it, even if it requires fighting through a struggle the size of Mount Everest.

-Enough of my blabbering-

1.) Don’t let your dreams die.
-When you let your dreams die, you’re letting a part of yourself die with it. It can be               scary to chase after dreams, and it may seem impractical but who really cares? The                 world is changing, and as they say: you only have one life to live. Live it the way you               want. It’s not going to be easy, but everything takes work. Casey Neistat is an                           INCREDIBLE example of someone who had a dream and achieved it. There were                       struggles, and it didn’t happen overnight, but he made it.

2.) Stop comparing yourself to others.
-People are always going to put the best version of themselves out there. Stop trying  to        live up to someone else’s standards, and start living up to your own. Why try and turn          yourself into a carbon copy of someone else? To hell with what you think people want            you to be, and to hell with society telling us we need to be at a certain point in life by              the time we’re age 30. The important thing is you’re working hard and you’re proud of where you are in life. It doesn’t matter about what anyone else thinks.

3.) Don’t overthink.
-If you’re anything like me, you probably overthink every single life decision possible. I’ve learned that overthinking will only make things your own personal hell. I know it’s easier said than done, in fact I’m still struggling with overthinking. It’s not going to be an easy task, and it’s going to be a mental workout that you’re going to have to constantly remind yourself to do. But I promise, once you’ve stopped overthinking you’ll gain more confidence and self-assurance. The few times that I’ve successfully managed to trust in myself have been undeniably satisfying.

4.) Hold yourself accountable.
-It’s easy to feel sorry for yourself and it’s even easier to place the blame of one’s failure on others. The truth is, we are all accountable for our lives no matter how great or how awful they may be. Sure, people can contribute to the way our lives have turned out, but they’re not our ultimatum. We can easily become trapped in the rules and regulations that society makes us believe we should follow. In fact, it is downright scary to think of any other alternative to that, but it’s possible. We just have to break out of that tiny box, admit to our failures..because well, no one can escape life without failing unless they just don’t try. And in the end, if we don’t try and if we don’t fight past life’s failures then that is all us.

5.) Have your priorities in check.
-Fun is fun…and work is….well, work. Procrastination and putting other things before what’s important can often happen a little too frequently. Spending money on things that make us happy is all too easy. Wasting time watching Netflix or spending countless hours playing that oh so addicting video game (I’m lookin’ at you Telltale) can be more time consuming than intended. Before you even realize, a whole day has gone by. If you keep up that cycle, then there goes an entire month. In this time span nothing really gets accomplished. Like that cheesy saying goes “a year ago you would’ve wished you started today”. It’s all very true. Time will stop for no one. There’s nothing wrong with indulging or having fun, but make sure you have a healthy balance if you want to succeed in this life.

6.) Have a backbone, have a voice.
-If you’re anything like me, you’ve probably let one too many people walk all over you. It certainly eats at self confidence and self worth. Remind yourself that you are a human being and you deserve respect just as much as anybody else. Don’t let people take advantage of you and certainly don’t let people make you feel anything less than human. It’s okay to stand up for yourself, especially when your happiness is compromised in the mix.

Are there any things you would like to add to this list? Let me know!

XOXO ❤

Kiki

Waiting

If it weren’t already obvious, waiting is one of the most awful things to an impatient person. It’s even worse when you’re waiting on possibly the most life changing news you could ever receive.

***

It’s been three weeks since I finished my seminar in Chicago in hopes of being one of the lucky chosen ones to teach in Japan. Ironically (or maybe not), I’ve been in a mental battle with myself wondering if I can truly leave all of my friends and family behind for x amount of years.

***

As one of the many people cursed with the hell of overthinking, I can’t tell if it’s my anxiety or my instincts that I’m battling with. On one hand, this is a great opportunity that will most definitely be life changing…but then there’s the part of me that gets homesick quite easily. But of course I’m a traveler at heart that hasn’t had many chances to travel to great distant lands which is torturous. Add in the what ifs and it’s even more of a muddled up mess in this nonsensical brain of mine.

***

All of this would be resolved of course if I could just get that email that I’ve been waiting on for almost a full three weeks. Actually that is a lie because that’s when saving up for the trip (if accepted) or the alternative, finding a sustainable job if denied…but that’s a rant for another time.

Anyway, talk to you later guys!

XOXO ❤

Kiki

 

 

Again? Really? For Christ’s sake.

I don’t know if any of you read my blog regularly enough to remember a post I made regarding this guy. Well, he’s back and crazier than ever.

***

But before I get into that, I’ll talk about the weird guy that came in prior since it all happened in the same day. As you guys may know, I work in a public building, therefore we get a lot of strange people that wander about. For the most part, they keep to themselves and that is perfectly okay with me. What does bother me is when I am alone and these questionable people talk to me.

giphy.gif

Around an hour ago a guy came in and decided to tell me his ENTIRE life story. He was essentially bragging about how he has his own business in a different state and has his own home worth $250,000. Which, if you’re not familiar with real estate in this part of the country, that will buy you a pretty nice house.

-Continuing on-

He then showed me the bracelet his ex wife gave him that was allegedly worth $80, and then said he has his own apartment here. The kicker is, the only reason why he’s here is because his mother died and he’s here to get all of the stuff she gave him in her will. Then he went on a tangent about how his child is smoking weed and hopes his kid isn’t gay. Wut. It was all so bizarre. Of course I’m taking all of this lightly because the dude is weird.

Then he started asking me if there were any soup kitchens nearby that were open because he wanted to get some food. I know some people do this to interact with those in need and want to get to know them…BUT for someone to stand in front of me and brag about how much they make is BS. What business do they have trying to get free food from someone else that needs it?

But realistically, he probably is a person in need and isn’t as well off as he says he is. BUT IF YOU’RE GOING TO LIE, DO IT PROPERLY. The discrepancies were annoying me the most. You have no idea how badly I wanted to question the hell out of him. I guess that is just my journalistic nature.

***

When I thought things couldn’t get any more uncomfortable( because Mr. Businessman would not stop talking for the life of me) they did. Out of all the people that entered, it had to be Face Tattoo. When he saw me, his face lit up. When I saw him on the other hand, I died a little on the inside…and when I mean a little, I mean a lot.

He overheard Mr. Businessman complain about how the soup kitchens weren’t open, so face tattoo offered to buy him some Taco Bell. Face Tattoo then told Mr. Businessman to wait for him outside for a second. That’s when he started talking to me.

FT: Hey, are you married yet?
Me: Uh yeah, I just don’t have my ring on.
FT: Did you know that I am God’s son? He sent me here so I could tell you that he loves you. I love you.
Me: That’s nice, thanks.
FT: It’s true. God turned wine into water you know.
Me: *crickets*
FT: It’s 2017, Hilary and Bill Clinton. I mean uh, Donald Trump, they’re going to fuc* up the country. That’s why God is going to take you to heaven. That’s why he’s going to take me to heaven.
Me: *crickets*
FT: I gotta go. I’ll see you in heaven.

The past few days I have interacted with so many creepy people that I feel as if my brain is slowly turning into mush.

giphy (4).gif

The End    

Well, that’s my story of today. I hope someone could get a laugh out of my discomfort.

XOXO,

Kiki ❤

Japan?!?!

I’ve been feeling rather empty for the past several months. It just feels like I’ve been playing it safe when it came to living my life. As I’ve mentioned way too many times in my previous blogs, I have anxiety and often times feel stuck.

Over the past few months I have been thinking of teaching in Japan for a year (possibly longer) so I can finally feel like I’m living. Well, I officially applied a few days ago and have a scheduled phone interview on Tuesday. THEN, I might have an in person interview in Chicago. How crazy is that!?  Although all of this is hush hush with my place of work right now because I don’t know if I’ll get it…hopefully I do.

Now, I don’t know if any of you believe in signs or destiny…but I do. I believe in it with all of my heart and every ounce of my being 100%. Let me explain why.

Just now, a really positive and happy looking lady came into work. She looked me in the eye and said “I have something for you”. I mean how random is that right? She placed an envelope on the front desk and tells me how her “Pa Pa” was stationed in Japan and kept a newspaper clipping and she didn’t know why. Then as quickly as she entered the building, she left. It was so bizarre. Anyway, the newspaper was a Japanese newspaper which I totally cannot read whatsoever. I took photos of it before I had to give it to my supervisor.

After she left, I was stuck in awe, reassuring myself that this was indeed a sign. While pondering about the event that had just happened, one of my coworkers entered the building and asked “is that sign big enough”? Now, even though that statement wasn’t in correlation to what I was thinking about, I do think that her timing was impeccable. Whether you believe in God or not, I think that this was indeed a sign from him.

Now here I am, ending this blog, excited for what is to come next. Until then!

XOXO,

Kiki ❤

Rest in peace sweet one

[000878]

When we found you, you were afraid of everything…because of that we named you Chicken.

It took a lot of time for you to warm up to us. When you finally did, you grew to be one of the bravest cats I’ve ever known. Because of your newfound bravery, you also became quite the warrior. You tried to keep us well fed by leaving us little creatures on the steps every single day.

Even though it was gross, I’m really going to miss it.

Once you got used to us being your new parents, you became quite the loving cat. You proved me wrong when I thought all cats were jerks. Thank you for that. You were also one of the most tolerant cats I’ve ever met. The many times you endured the dances we made you do with that priceless grumpy cat facial expression will never cease to make me smile.

I’ve also never met another cat that thought they were a rollie pollie and a dog all in the same body. I think at least 90% of the time you would squirm around and pull yourself along the floor like a big weirdo. I think your son takes after you in that department.

I’m going to miss everything about you. The way you would constantly meow to go outside and then decide you didn’t want to anymore.How you constantly had to rub your face against me and demand pets 24/7. How you would get annoyed by your son and run away and hide. And even how you made it a goal to rip up the couch every single day.

I don’t know if I ever showed you how much I love and appreciate you, but I hope you know that you mean the world to me. I love you Chicken. You were indeed the bravest amongst all scaredy cats.

Love,

Kiki

 

Let’s water vac my basement in lingerie!

daria choices angel devil decisions

Gif credit: violetdiamondinthesky.tumblr.com

When I was in grade school I was the definition of a pushover. Whatever my friends wanted to do, I followed along (of course with some convictions). Because I was such a yes man, I found myself in many situations that are super cringey to look back on now.

 

I had a friend named Melissa who wanted to be the center of attention all of the time. She never really cared who she inconvenienced or who she hurt in the process of getting what she wanted. She perceived herself as an a-list celebrity and all of her friends were part of her entourage. Why I was friends with her for so long, I will never understand.

***

I had known Melissa since 4th grade. If my memory serves me correctly, she used to be pretty fun to hang out with. Then the summer of 6th grade she moved away and we lost contact until our junior or senior year of high school. During this point of my life, I was a loner and wanted more friends, but simply didn’t have the social skills to do so. This was when Melissa and I became friends again. I was overjoyed with the fact that I had someone “new” to hang out with.

I could go through the history of what our friendship was like, but that is a post for another day. Instead, I will reflect on the week of spring break, which was also her 17th or 18th birthday.

***

Her mother and step-dad wanted to take her to Florida to celebrate her birthday, but she absolutely refused. Florida was too popular for her taste and she would rather stay in the confines of her own home and have a sleepover with me. I of course went over to her house. Being an angsty teenager myself, I was actually looking forward to getting away from my house for the weekend.

When I arrived, we went down to her basement to hangout. That’s when we found out that due to the amount of rain we received that week (and that day) the basement had flooded and the water reached up to our knees. She wanted to try to clean things up before her rents got home, and asked me if I wanted to help water vac her basement. I wasn’t really wanting to, but I obliged. I thought it would be as simple as that, but knowing Melissa, it is never that simple.

She instead, wanted to invite these totes super cool college guys over (they were literally only a year older than us) to help. The kicker was, she wanted us to wear lingerie while they came over. I should add, she had a boyfriend at the time and I was talking to someone.

***

As I said before, I have/had my convictions, so I definitely didn’t want to wear lingerie to clean a basement OR wear it for strangers I’ve never met in my life. That didn’t stop her from wearing it though. She got all dolled up, while I wore a baggy t-shirt and some shorts. That’s when we heard her two dogs bark and a knock at the door. It was the college guys in shining armor. They all seemed friendly enough.

They were actually a big help in regards to the basement. With the effort all of us put in, we finished the entire basement within 1.5 hours. Afterwards, Melissa suggested we go upstairs to play truth or dare. I never was an exciting truth or dare player, so naturally I always picked truth. That’s when one of the guys (of the creepster variety) demanded I pick dare. I laughed it off and said “yeah, sure okay”. That’s when he told me to take off my bra. Because most girls have super powers, I took my bra off without having to remove other articles of my clothing. And for extra measure, I went inside the bathroom and locked the door behind me. As I left, I showed off my bra. That’s when he snatched it and deeply inhaled and said “this is exactly what I imagined an Asian girl to smell like”.

Thoroughly creeped out, I went back and sat on the other side of the room. To the other guys’ benefit, they weren’t as creepy as the one just mentioned. The rest of truth or dare was pretty uneventful until Melissa dared bra sniffer to give me a lap dance. Without hesitation, he gave me one. As you can imagine, it was a really uncomfortable situation for me.

***

The “party” was starting to die down, but one of the other guys jokingly commented on how short I was (he was incredibly tall) and lifted me up over his shoulder like it was nothing. It was in a playful manner so there were no malicious intentions. I remember he was so tall he almost (accidentally) slammed my head into the doorway. After that we were laughing and he put me down.

There was a third guy that was the “cutest” out of all of the guys. That’s who Melissa was paying most of her attention to, but once she saw me and tall guy laughing, she glared at me. I payed no attention to her and continued talking to the tall guy when out of the blue she pulled me aside and said, “I don’t appreciate you getting all of the attention. I’m not getting any and it’s making me jealous. It’s not fair at all”.

This was the first of many moments I would realize that she would never really appreciate or care about me as a friend. Although I can’t say I didn’t appreciate her honesty!

***

I decided to write about this incident today because I spent some time with my cousins over the weekend. They’re almost the age I was when this happened and they already seem to be much stronger mentally than I ever was. It’s really nice to see that not all youths have to be complete idiots like I was. Teenagers might not be so bad after all!

Xoxo,

Kiki ❤

 

 

Hello World

Her Flying Red Shoes (8012097866).jpg

Photo credit: Faisal Akfram from Dhaka, Bangladesh-Her Flying Red Shoes (Wikicommons)

I’m finally doing it.

Somewhere along this incredibly hazy path of mine, I have unearthed the strength within myself to push aside all of my self-doubt and to finally banish my anxiety.

***

For as long as I can remember, my mind was always a war zone, except the enemy I was fighting was me. I had so much self hatred towards myself. I never thought I was smart or good enough for anything beyond living a confined life. If you’ve read my past blogs you’ll know I’ve been actively trying to improve my happiness and my quality of life in general.

What has really kicked me into overdrive was the moment it really sunk in for me: I’m not getting any younger. In just a couple of months I will officially be in my mid-twenties. Sure, that’s not old in the least bit, but this milestone is terrifying. If I keep letting my fears get in my way, one day life will have passed me by and I don’t want to be in the same spot as now. I’ve spent almost 25 years of my life fawning over a life I’ve been too scared to pursue. I guess after an entire lifetime of belittling one’s self and spending every waking moment being anxious you will either A) give up or B) just get so tired of  living in hell that trying doesn’t seem so horrific anymore.

***

All rambling aside, I’ve decided that 25 will be the year I make a major lifestyle change. Whether I’m riddled with anxiety to the point I want to vomit, I’m going to push past that. I’ve always been too timid of a person to do anything too crazy. The plan I have for myself is to apply for teaching jobs overseas so I can meet many amazing people and see the world for all that it is.

I’ve already sold my PS4, record player, crazy expensive headphones, and some old camera equipment. It’s stuff that I don’t want to sell and pains me to part with, but a girl’s gotta do what a girl’s gotta do. In order to keep myself motivated, here’s my progress thus far. I know it doesn’t seem like major steps to most people, but these are some huge steps for me. I’ll keep you posted on my progress whether it be on here or on my YouTube channel.

☑ Get letters of recommendation (2/4 completed, waiting on 2!)
☑ Sell things
☑ Schedule appointment for passport
☑ Officially apply for jobs (applied for A job thus far)
☑ Apply for passport
☑ Get passport photos
☑ Receive said passport
☐ Nab an awesome job overseas

I could use all of the prayers and positive thoughts sent my way!! It’s going to be a long ride that’s for sure.

Xoxo,

Kiki ❤