Has the universe cursed me?

It feels like no matter how hard I try, the universe wants to take a big shi* on my life. I AM STILL, looking for a full-time job and either no one wants me, or the ridiculousness that I’m about to tell you happens.

A couple weeks ago, I found out that this new hotel in my city was finally constructed and they needed to hire people by the end of next month. Naturally they held a job fair at this employment agency in town. My friend and I decided, why not? We need new jobs, so let’s do this. The job fair was last week, and my friend and I both went. We dress super professionally, and realize..we’re literally the only ones there that look presentable. Not to trash talk anyone…but everyone else didn’t look up to par..some probably were even on something. With that in mind, my friend and I are feeling super confident.

I get a call back last week and think, “Finally, something in my life is going right. Maybe I’ll even snag this job and be able to sustain myself and travel like I’ve been dreaming of my entire life”.

                                                                       NOPE! WRONG!

This past week, I went into my interview with high hopes. I thought the interview was going well, and then the person interviewing me says “actually…since you currently work at ____ it’s a conflict of interest so we might not be able to hire you”. UM EXCUSE ME?

So now, here I am…wondering if I’ll be hired. Wondering if I’ll ever find a full-time job. I mean…how awful is that though? Literally, the ONE job that called me back and gave me the time of day said they might not be able to hire me because I work at one of my jobs that give me 4 days out of the month. FML.

If I don’t get hired, I’m not going to be angry at the company or the place I work at. I understand that it’s a policy. It’s not their fault, that’s just the way things go. I’m just so frustrated and depressed. I don’t want to feel sorry for myself, and I want to hang in there. It’s just so difficult when it seems every single day, nothing goes right.

If you’re having a shi*ty month like I am. You’re not suffering alone. Something will go right eventually. Hang in there and hold your head up high.

*hugs from me to you*

X0x0,

Kiki ❤

 

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Job searching stealing your soul? You’re not alone.

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We all inevitably go through the arduous process of job searching and I’m sure we can all agree that it sucks.

In my attempts at corralling a job, I have discovered that there seem to be way more cons than the obvious pros (having a job, money, etc). For instance, the emotional damage that it can do to a person’s confidence. Here I am at the age of 25, out of college (I can’t even say fresh out of college anymore) still wondering what I am wanting to do with my life.

All of my life I was told that if you go to college you will 100% land your dream job. Well, I’ve been searching for a career for the past year and a half and that has determined that statement to be a lie…at least for me. No one prepared me for just how difficult it can be to not just pursue a career, but to locate one.

I have spent countless hours applying for job for who knows how long. I can’t help but wonder if I’m just some unqualified loser. I’ve even applied to be a cashier at a big chain home improvement store (rhymes with dome repo) and nothing. If that’s not a kick to my metaphorical man bits, I don’t know what is.

If you’re in a similar situation, I know it can seem pointless to continue searching. I know it’s easier to want to curl up under the blankets and binge watch successful fictional characters live their lives on Netflix. As someone that is barely hanging on mentally, don’t give up. Hang in there, and keep lighting that flame (perhaps the one under your bum) and keep progressing further.

A really great person told me recently “…sometimes it’s not if you’re qualified – it’s the market where you are”.

This statement gave me a lot of clarity. Sometimes you need to branch out further if you are really passionate about improving your life and your path towards a better career. To be completely transparent with you all, I will admit that I myself never gave it much thought. It essentially went one of two ways: either people convinced me to stay here or I didn’t believe in myself and thought I wasn’t good enough to live elsewhere. As someone that’s still trying to figure things out, the most important thing is to not let others dictate what you want in life.

If by some miracle someone is actually reading this, I believe in you. You should believe in yourself too. The untraveled path can be scary…really scary. Oftentimes that road is the best road to go.

XOXO,

Kiki ❤

Having it together is only a concept.

As the title suggests, having it together in life is only a concept. A dirty lie. Do you want to know a secret? Nobody truly knows what they’re doing. In fact, I don’t think I’ve ever met an individual that has woken up one bright and early morning and said, “Aha! I know exactly what I’m going to do with my life. I have all the answers right here”.

The truth is, people simply just make the decisions that they think are right. It’s all a gamble. I guess that’s where the phrase life is a gamble comes from. It’s all very true though. Go figure. No one can truly know what the right decision is.  That’s where our failures and our successes come from, acting on instinct and praying that all goes well. Regardless of the outcome, the real technique is tricking everyone else into believing you have life by the balls. 

Even the most successful of people don’t have every aspect of their life figured out. So if you’re feeling down about where your life is, don’t fret. Just know that as long as you keep trying and keep staying positive, you’ll make it to the next step. Remember, you’re not alone. In fact, every person you will ever stumble upon in your lifetime has or will undoubtedly feel lost too.

XOXO,

Kiki ❤

6 tips for a SUCCESSFUL life.

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Wiki commons: Camdiluv ❤ from Concepion, CHILE- Colours

To many people, living a successful life would equal having an incredible job, making ____ figures per year, and living a life full of luxury. That mindset used to be mine, but not anymore. I’ve learned that the more a person yearns for money and things, the more empty life becomes…because at the end of the day you’ll never have enough.

I’m only 25 and I still don’t know what I’m doing with my life. I would say the majority of my day is spent self-loathing and comparing myself to people that seem to have their life put together. I’m finally learning to get over myself and accept life for what it is: a mystery. If it’s not going the way I want, I realize I need to do something about it, even if it requires fighting through a struggle the size of Mount Everest.

-Enough of my blabbering-

1.) Don’t let your dreams die.
-When you let your dreams die, you’re letting a part of yourself die with it. It can be               scary to chase after dreams, and it may seem impractical but who really cares? The                 world is changing, and as they say: you only have one life to live. Live it the way you               want. It’s not going to be easy, but everything takes work. Casey Neistat is an                           INCREDIBLE example of someone who had a dream and achieved it. There were                       struggles, and it didn’t happen overnight, but he made it.

2.) Stop comparing yourself to others.
-People are always going to put the best version of themselves out there. Stop trying  to        live up to someone else’s standards, and start living up to your own. Why try and turn          yourself into a carbon copy of someone else? To hell with what you think people want            you to be, and to hell with society telling us we need to be at a certain point in life by              the time we’re age 30. The important thing is you’re working hard and you’re proud of where you are in life. It doesn’t matter about what anyone else thinks.

3.) Don’t overthink.
-If you’re anything like me, you probably overthink every single life decision possible. I’ve learned that overthinking will only make things your own personal hell. I know it’s easier said than done, in fact I’m still struggling with overthinking. It’s not going to be an easy task, and it’s going to be a mental workout that you’re going to have to constantly remind yourself to do. But I promise, once you’ve stopped overthinking you’ll gain more confidence and self-assurance. The few times that I’ve successfully managed to trust in myself have been undeniably satisfying.

4.) Hold yourself accountable.
-It’s easy to feel sorry for yourself and it’s even easier to place the blame of one’s failure on others. The truth is, we are all accountable for our lives no matter how great or how awful they may be. Sure, people can contribute to the way our lives have turned out, but they’re not our ultimatum. We can easily become trapped in the rules and regulations that society makes us believe we should follow. In fact, it is downright scary to think of any other alternative to that, but it’s possible. We just have to break out of that tiny box, admit to our failures..because well, no one can escape life without failing unless they just don’t try. And in the end, if we don’t try and if we don’t fight past life’s failures then that is all us.

5.) Have your priorities in check.
-Fun is fun…and work is….well, work. Procrastination and putting other things before what’s important can often happen a little too frequently. Spending money on things that make us happy is all too easy. Wasting time watching Netflix or spending countless hours playing that oh so addicting video game (I’m lookin’ at you Telltale) can be more time consuming than intended. Before you even realize, a whole day has gone by. If you keep up that cycle, then there goes an entire month. In this time span nothing really gets accomplished. Like that cheesy saying goes “a year ago you would’ve wished you started today”. It’s all very true. Time will stop for no one. There’s nothing wrong with indulging or having fun, but make sure you have a healthy balance if you want to succeed in this life.

6.) Have a backbone, have a voice.
-If you’re anything like me, you’ve probably let one too many people walk all over you. It certainly eats at self confidence and self worth. Remind yourself that you are a human being and you deserve respect just as much as anybody else. Don’t let people take advantage of you and certainly don’t let people make you feel anything less than human. It’s okay to stand up for yourself, especially when your happiness is compromised in the mix.

Are there any things you would like to add to this list? Let me know!

XOXO ❤

Kiki

Waiting

If it weren’t already obvious, waiting is one of the most awful things to an impatient person. It’s even worse when you’re waiting on possibly the most life changing news you could ever receive.

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It’s been three weeks since I finished my seminar in Chicago in hopes of being one of the lucky chosen ones to teach in Japan. Ironically (or maybe not), I’ve been in a mental battle with myself wondering if I can truly leave all of my friends and family behind for x amount of years.

***

As one of the many people cursed with the hell of overthinking, I can’t tell if it’s my anxiety or my instincts that I’m battling with. On one hand, this is a great opportunity that will most definitely be life changing…but then there’s the part of me that gets homesick quite easily. But of course I’m a traveler at heart that hasn’t had many chances to travel to great distant lands which is torturous. Add in the what ifs and it’s even more of a muddled up mess in this nonsensical brain of mine.

***

All of this would be resolved of course if I could just get that email that I’ve been waiting on for almost a full three weeks. Actually that is a lie because that’s when saving up for the trip (if accepted) or the alternative, finding a sustainable job if denied…but that’s a rant for another time.

Anyway, talk to you later guys!

XOXO ❤

Kiki

 

 

Again? Really? For Christ’s sake.

I don’t know if any of you read my blog regularly enough to remember a post I made regarding this guy. Well, he’s back and crazier than ever.

***

But before I get into that, I’ll talk about the weird guy that came in prior since it all happened in the same day. As you guys may know, I work in a public building, therefore we get a lot of strange people that wander about. For the most part, they keep to themselves and that is perfectly okay with me. What does bother me is when I am alone and these questionable people talk to me.

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Around an hour ago a guy came in and decided to tell me his ENTIRE life story. He was essentially bragging about how he has his own business in a different state and has his own home worth $250,000. Which, if you’re not familiar with real estate in this part of the country, that will buy you a pretty nice house.

-Continuing on-

He then showed me the bracelet his ex wife gave him that was allegedly worth $80, and then said he has his own apartment here. The kicker is, the only reason why he’s here is because his mother died and he’s here to get all of the stuff she gave him in her will. Then he went on a tangent about how his child is smoking weed and hopes his kid isn’t gay. Wut. It was all so bizarre. Of course I’m taking all of this lightly because the dude is weird.

Then he started asking me if there were any soup kitchens nearby that were open because he wanted to get some food. I know some people do this to interact with those in need and want to get to know them…BUT for someone to stand in front of me and brag about how much they make is BS. What business do they have trying to get free food from someone else that needs it?

But realistically, he probably is a person in need and isn’t as well off as he says he is. BUT IF YOU’RE GOING TO LIE, DO IT PROPERLY. The discrepancies were annoying me the most. You have no idea how badly I wanted to question the hell out of him. I guess that is just my journalistic nature.

***

When I thought things couldn’t get any more uncomfortable( because Mr. Businessman would not stop talking for the life of me) they did. Out of all the people that entered, it had to be Face Tattoo. When he saw me, his face lit up. When I saw him on the other hand, I died a little on the inside…and when I mean a little, I mean a lot.

He overheard Mr. Businessman complain about how the soup kitchens weren’t open, so face tattoo offered to buy him some Taco Bell. Face Tattoo then told Mr. Businessman to wait for him outside for a second. That’s when he started talking to me.

FT: Hey, are you married yet?
Me: Uh yeah, I just don’t have my ring on.
FT: Did you know that I am God’s son? He sent me here so I could tell you that he loves you. I love you.
Me: That’s nice, thanks.
FT: It’s true. God turned wine into water you know.
Me: *crickets*
FT: It’s 2017, Hilary and Bill Clinton. I mean uh, Donald Trump, they’re going to fuc* up the country. That’s why God is going to take you to heaven. That’s why he’s going to take me to heaven.
Me: *crickets*
FT: I gotta go. I’ll see you in heaven.

The past few days I have interacted with so many creepy people that I feel as if my brain is slowly turning into mush.

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The End    

Well, that’s my story of today. I hope someone could get a laugh out of my discomfort.

XOXO,

Kiki ❤

Japan?!?!

I’ve been feeling rather empty for the past several months. It just feels like I’ve been playing it safe when it came to living my life. As I’ve mentioned way too many times in my previous blogs, I have anxiety and often times feel stuck.

Over the past few months I have been thinking of teaching in Japan for a year (possibly longer) so I can finally feel like I’m living. Well, I officially applied a few days ago and have a scheduled phone interview on Tuesday. THEN, I might have an in person interview in Chicago. How crazy is that!?  Although all of this is hush hush with my place of work right now because I don’t know if I’ll get it…hopefully I do.

Now, I don’t know if any of you believe in signs or destiny…but I do. I believe in it with all of my heart and every ounce of my being 100%. Let me explain why.

Just now, a really positive and happy looking lady came into work. She looked me in the eye and said “I have something for you”. I mean how random is that right? She placed an envelope on the front desk and tells me how her “Pa Pa” was stationed in Japan and kept a newspaper clipping and she didn’t know why. Then as quickly as she entered the building, she left. It was so bizarre. Anyway, the newspaper was a Japanese newspaper which I totally cannot read whatsoever. I took photos of it before I had to give it to my supervisor.

After she left, I was stuck in awe, reassuring myself that this was indeed a sign. While pondering about the event that had just happened, one of my coworkers entered the building and asked “is that sign big enough”? Now, even though that statement wasn’t in correlation to what I was thinking about, I do think that her timing was impeccable. Whether you believe in God or not, I think that this was indeed a sign from him.

Now here I am, ending this blog, excited for what is to come next. Until then!

XOXO,

Kiki ❤